Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Memorial day has new meaning!

I never knew what Memorial Day was for, except that it was a holiday and no school or work had to be done! Well now I know and will continue to honor that special day in a very new way. We decided to stay close to home over the weekend to be near Avery and celebrate if you will, the day of Memories. It was a day of remembering, of mourning, of sorrow, of gladness, of beauty, all together. The cemetery was absolutely breathtaking, the flags, flowers, balloons, wreaths, people, blue sky and sunshine only added to the beauty. In the past, every time I visit the cemetery I feel peaceful and connected but this time, I didn't, it was more of a celebratory event for some reason. We celebrated the small amount of memories we have about Avery there. The boys were running around looking at the headstones and decorations and were acting as if they were at a party it was surreal, that is what the ambiance felt like that day for us all. I have to say it was better than I expected however, not all days are like this. Last weekend we were having a garage sale and a friend of a friends was trying to pay for something and I said, I will hold your baby for you. She handed her to me and my friend said how old is she and she said, she was born March 1st...well I just started to bawl, it hit me out of no where. I hold babies all the time and NEVER do I get emotional, it was just too close to how old Avery would have been and it was a sad memory of what I don't have right now. I wish so badly to have her in my arms today and everyday but I know that wasn't the plan for her nor I. For now I hold close the memories and mementos I have of her. I love you sweet Avery Ann and you will never be a distant memory.
My sweet, precious baby girl
Why you had to leave me nobody knows
I wish I could be with you to hug and to hold
And eventually watch you grow old
My heart aches each and every day
Wondering what you would be doing today
If only I could kiss your face
It would make my heart be in a better place
But I know the day will come
When holding you will never be done!
I wrote this poem about a month ago in remembrance of Avery!

As the weather gets nicer, I find myself less and less on the computer so forgive me for not posting more.