Saturday, March 28, 2009

Avery's Funeral

Angel Avery Ann
March 10, 2009
Arrived at 2:10pm

Returned home 11:00pm

Truly she looked like a porcelain doll, so pure, so precious, so sweet!

Uninhibited Kaden, wanted to kiss her, hold her and take her home.

Until we all meet again someday, this is Mommy and her 4 children.

This lovely table shows all the wonderful and special things we have to remember our sweet angel, Avery. I have almost the same display on my fireplace mantel in my bedroom that I look at each and every day & night. When I lay down and wake in the morning this is the first things I see and it brings me comfort.

My precious boys carrying precious Avery! This picture is so touching to me.

Although this was a hard time for us all, we are finding peace in knowing Avery is resting just a couple of miles away so we can visit her often. We hope and pray that she will come to visit us too and we can feel her spirit dwell with us when we are in need of strength and comfort.

I am finding myself speechless and for those of you who know me, you too will find that to be hard to believe. I don't quite have a grasp on what to say, feel, do, or where to begin my new normal life. I know that this is appropriate but, I still feel so lost without this baby in my arms or sitting in the hospital room watching over her recovering.

For now, I will try to learn acceptance!
Your thoughts, prayers, gifts, acts of selfless love, comments and support are more than we ever imagined possible in such a time of need. We love you all!

Posted by Picasa

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Avery's Obituary

Avery Ann Hallows
"Our Sweet Angel"

Avery came down from heaven for just a brief visit on March 10, 2009. She came and left us, both on the same day. She didn’t have to be here long to touch our lives forever. She was absolutely beautiful and flawless in every way except for her heart which broken and now, so is ours. She had to go back to her Heavenly Father due to congenital heart defects which were beyond repair.

Avery is the only daughter to Steven and Leah Hallows, the only sister to Austin, Colton and Kaden Hallows, the grandchild of Koze and Andrea Hallows, and the first granddaughter of Fred Pokrinchak and Barbara Pokrin. Avery also has one great-grandparent living, Carol Stoker. She was also loved by many aunts, uncles, cousins and dear friends.

As hard as it was to say goodbye to this precious infant, we hold faith in our Heavenly Father’s plan that we will see her again and be able to enjoy the time we missed with her on this earth.

A viewing with be held on Sunday, March 15 from 6-8pm at Olpin-Hoopes Funeral Home in Heber City. Private family services and burial will be held the following day.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Sad ending to a long day...

At last update, I (Steve) said and thought Avery was stable and doing okay. I came down to check on Leah and spend some time with her. I was with her for about an hour when my Dad called me approx 9 pm and he said the Doctors said that me AND Leah both should come up asap, as we did. The head Dr there informed us Avery had been having additional complications. He informed us that the outlook was not good and that there were two veins that they couldn't see, OR that they were not connected properly. Long story short is that, over much tears, grief and stress, at about 11 pm, we had to say goodbye to our little Angel, Avery Ann. She was so beautiful and looked so perfect. But her little heart was broken too severely, as is ours. We could have kept her on life support and drugs, for who knows how long, but the head Doctor there, said the outcome would still be the same, regardless of how long we used machines and medicines to try to keep her alive. We thank you for all your prayers and continue to ask for them for our strength and our boys will need it, as will we, Steve & Leah Hallows.

Finally...we think she's stable

After a very intense 4-5 hours after her delivery, we think sweet Avery is fairly stable now, but not out of the woods yet. I (Steve) did not enjoy enduring feeling helpless while all those people worked on my little helpless child - and the whole while being separated from Leah. The baby had some air somehow on the outside of one if not both of her lungs that was prohibiting her from getting her lungs full of air as if she wasn't having enough difficulty. Anyway, they finally got her somewhat stable as of about 7 pm tonight. At one point, they had to recessitate precious Avery with manual CPR, other drugs, etc etc. She is intubated so she can get enough oxygen and the cardiologists tell us all of her valves that they want to stay open are, but that the lung problem was scary and has set us back some. Not sure how much yet. Doctors said do NOT plan on a surgery Friday, there would be no way she will be strong enough by then. We'll update more later and post some pics. The whole trip from the U of U to the Primary Children's hospital was touch and go, she was having problems en route, it was scary! Dad had a good cry and now I feel better, and now I'm with Leah and her spirits are doing better also, even though she has not been able to see little Avery yet, but will sometime later tonight.

Avery's Arrival...she came at 2:10 pm

She came quick, after not much pushing by Leah. She wanted the epidural and the nurse said, "There's no time" and wisked us off to the delivery room. Avery did let out a "beller" scream of a cry, so in our eyes that was a good sign. She was kina mauve/ maroon as we expected, but she looked beautiful and Mom and Dad get to go see her in a few minutes in the Newborn ICU. I got some cute pics coming soon. Leah's now on pain meds, she did the whole thing naturally. She was a real trooper. Now we've just gotta worry about baby.....We'll get back shortly I'm sure.

...Hurry up and Wait...

It's just past Noon, our time and we got up at 4 am this morning. Roads were snowy, but thankfully plowed. We got to the hospital at 6:30 am. Leah has been on pitocin since about 8:30 am and she's not feeling much in the way of contractions yet, even though the computer says she's having them every couple of minutes. They are not too intense yet. My best bud, Brad is here and bought me a drink in my boredom. Leah is only dialated to about a "3" right now, so they're going to come back about 2:30 our time and re-check, so it may be a long day. Well, either way, it'll be a long day. Anyway, this is Stevo (the husband, father) signing off until later.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

As we embark on our journey tomorrow!

I can't believe it is finally here, its bittersweet! I am so excited to meet my baby girl, yet I am scared of all the unknowns.

I feel at peace, I feel strong, I feel energized, I feel humble, I feel I can do this and whatever is to be will be! I struggle with the lack of control I have over this situation but I have faith that I will be taken care! I can't explain my peace and strength but I know its not from me! I am just living and my needs are always met.....I hope and pray for this feeling to cross over to my dear husband as I think he is taking this a lot harder than I am.

I am so humbled by the love and support that I have felt from so many of you, thank you, thank you, thank you! You all ask what can I do for you....what we need most right now is for you to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!

Last week was a tough one but we made it through and we will make it through this week as well. We will take each day one at a time, maybe last week was Heavenly Fathers test for us, to see how we would handle all that he is about to give us...(See honey, last week was just a test for us to see how much we really can handle!)

Once again, I am grateful.....We got our trailer out of the snow and mud, thanks to my father and brother in laws, who got it out for us on Wednesday. The boys are on the mend from being sick! I didn't get sick! My mom arrived safely! I only have one day left of being pregnant! My Dr. said the fluid is not visible still, I am dilated more than 2 cm and 50% effaced, so I am ready to be induced. I was hoping to go on my own but its not in my control apparently! For all this, I am grateful!

I have been asked by so many of you about visiting, calls, updates, etc. Here is the plan right now....If I can update the blog myself I will, otherwise my mom will do it for me after we call her to let her know that Avery arrived and any other information we have at the time. As soon as I get access to an Internet connection, I will update with any information. I know that so many of you are anxious and want to know whats going on, so we will be as diligent as we can to update fast.

I am not sure about visitors just yet, we will have to wait and see once she is there what we can anticipate in that dept. but, will post that as well. I do know that you can bring your computer into the hospital rooms and have Internet service. So with that, email probably will be the quietest and easiest way to communicate with me. My email is, yes I know that I will have to change that soon, but for now that is the best way to reach me. I also have a skype account and my screen name is hallowsfam so if you want to see or talk to me use that account and we can use the web cam....I got that so my boys can see their sister, as they will NOT allow children under 14 in the intensive care units until RSV season is done. Understandable!

I have to get off this computer, as my back is a bit sore now! But I just want to close and let you know that I know I will not be alone in this journey, nor have I ever been. Thank you Heavenly Father for the undeniable strength, faith, comfort, peace and hope that you have offered me every second of the way! I know there are lessons to learn from the trials we are given and if I have learned one thing so far, it is that my testimony of a divine power is real and when you need him most, he is there! His outstretched hand will guide you and let you know you are never alone, EVER!

Monday, March 2, 2009

We are only given what we can handle, right??

Well, if I remember correctly I was full of gratitute last week...and still am as many of my aches and pains are GONE....I feel like a normal, pregnant woman, hungry, tired, anxious, scared, worried, hopeful, excited, emotional...ok ok I will stop! No seriously I am still very much full of gratitude but I posted that I was happy no sickness fell upon us this winter...Well Colton and for those of you who know wind, full of energy, never rests, etc., is in bed with a high grade fever, cough, sore throat and vomitting. WHY this week, I can't afford to be sick? Neither can my husband......Well after a few hour dr. visit, a trip to the hospital for x-rays....Colton has some kind of lung infection, not pnemonia, not rsv, but something that is not reducing his fever very well. We sent him to Steve's moms I hope she doesn't catch it..but if we caught it, oh my that would be tragic..we couldn't be around our newborn baby and could I even have the energy to birth her. YIKES!

Yesterday Steve went to get our trailer to bring home from our camping property and his truck broke down..had to leave it up there, call a neighbor for help and still couldn't bring home the trailer. We can stay in a hotel if we have to for a few nights if the land is too muddy to pull the trailer out yet! We will pull through this I am certain.

Then I woke up to read the blog about this young baby, Gracie and how this morning her parents decided that there was nothing more they could do to save this precious being life anymore, she was being called home to her father in heaven.....I don't know this family personally or this sweet baby but I know them from the heart world we will be joining soon. It had me sobbing, I am so saddened by their pain and sorrow. Why does life have to happen this way or not happen? I am much more calm this afternoon, I feel a sense of comfort and peace and hope that these things shall pass and we will be ok. (Gracie Gledhill's blog is listed on the side of my blog)

I know we are only given what we can handle....I appreciate how much faith my Father in Heaven must has for me...but I think I am done for now!

My heart is broken for another broken heart! May you all remember how precious life is and enjoy every second of it! Remember to say I love you as often as you can...but more important show it! I love you all for your continued support!