Monday, September 21, 2009
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Sunday, July 19, 2009
“Avery,” Father said, “It’s almost time.”
Avery handed the paintbrush back to the boy and followed Father out into the garden. “I’m ready,” she said.
“There’s something you need to know, “Father said, sitting on a stone bench beneath a willow tree. “You have done well here, so well that all you need for exaltation is to gain a body. Your spirit is so sweet and pure that your heart would hurt to see some of the things that happen on earth. So your mission to earth, my dear, will not be a long one.”
Avery knelt on the grass near Father and put her head on her chin. “My mother and father have waited for me so long. They will be so sad. Can’t you make there be a different way?” Father rested his hand on her head. “A long time ago, when your Elder Brother knelt in the Gethsemane, he asked a similar question. I didn’t like seeing him suffer, and I don’t like seeing your family sad either, but there are some things you will not understand for a while. What you must understand though, is that your Elder Brother and I love all of you.” Avery looked up at Father and nodded. “I know. And I know you will be there to help us.”
On another day, Father stood in the garden waiting. Avery ran into his arms and he held her as she told about her mission. “I’m so glad I got to see my mom and dad. My mom is so beautiful and good and my dad is so strong and kind. Do you think they know how much I love them?” Father looked into Avery’s eyes. “Very soon, my dear one, you will have the chance to tell them every day. In the millennium, when the earth is more like this world, they will have their opportunity to raise you. Until then, though, I want you to help me leave them love notes. Will you help me remind them of your love and of mine?
Avery’s smile was brighter than the flowers around her. “I like that idea. Where can we leave the notes?”
“They will be hidden everywhere~in the comfort of the scriptures, in the prayers of those that love them, in the peace of the temple. And when they are ready, your mom and dad will comfort others. Each smile they receive will be you smiling back at them. “Father swept his hand to the flowers in the garden around them. “And the flowers that bloom there will be the flowers you design here, each one a gift of love from us.”
Avery ran for the art room, pulled out a canvas and some paints, then started painting flowers. “These are for you Mom,” she whispered. I will see you soon!”
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
As the weather gets nicer, I find myself less and less on the computer so forgive me for not posting more.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The words on the 9 pages were a bit bigger than my vocabulary can handle.
Long story short it was not exactly what the in utero diagnosis was. Orginally they thought she had the left ventricle, a common atrium, aortic atresia and she had fluid that came and went around her lungs. Well the findings were that she had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS), total anomalous pulmonary venous connection (TAPVC) and 7 other defects with her heart. In additon this sweet baby had Pulmonary lymphangiectasia which in english translates to dilation of the lymphatics in the lungs. I was overwhelmed with the amount of issues with her heart and both Steve and I felt relieved when we left there knowing that her passing was by far the best thing for her. I couldn't imagine her quality of life being that of which I had only dreamed about. She now has the perfect life, one that we only dream about.
We are so sad to not have Avery with us today and everyday, as the weather gets nicer and the days pass by......all I get to do is imagine what she would look like today, what she would be accomplishing and the fun times she would be having with her brothers who adore her even though she is not here in person.
A wonderful friend who had lost here son to SIDS a short time ago, brought us over 3 piggy banks for each of the boys. She said that each time you see money on the ground that is Avery saying hello to you. The little boys think that is the cutest thing and everytime they spot money, I hear them say...Avery is saying hi! It may or may not be true but for some reason before we got the banks..I told my friend that I kept finding dimes everywhere I went lately..and now we are believing she really is saying hello to us. A simple tender thing that puts smiles on our faces and in our hearts. The simple things make the hard things seem much easier to bear. I for one always try to see the bright side of things and make the most of any situation, this one has been the most challenging to accept but I believe that acceptance is part of my journey. I will learn acceptance graciously today.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
To all you wonderful mothers remember our children are on loan to us from our Heavenly Father and are mission here is to raise them and prepare them for life so that they can someday live again with him. Do your best everyday with them, they will make you proud one day. Hope your Mother's Day was as lovely as you all are.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
As most of you know, I am a sun lover, not fanatic just love the heat and sunshine whenever I can get it, which hasn't been much lately in Heber. I walk to the grave and its still a tad overcast, I am there for a few minutes and a ray of sunshine just embraces me with warmth, I look up to offer my gratitude, I relax on the green grass, looking up at the heavens and it begins to sprinkle on me, ever so lightly as if someone is crying. I sit with that for a moment and it stops literally in less than two minutes. I was crying and so where the heavens. I knew she was there but sometimes I am a slow learner. My family and I are making a small garden in our yard as atribute to Avery (along with my pink hair) and we are going to buy butterflies and lady bugs to release when its all complete. My boys think that is so cool. So I am still sitting there and I feel this hair down my shirt, I ignore it and then I feel it moving, can't ignore that anymore, so I look down and in my shirt is a ladybug. I looked up and said, "thank you thank you Avery for letting me know you are there, your ok and the confirmation that life is eternal. I was crying tears of joy but yet I felt as though I needed to share and be comforted by this experience. I was planning to go to my friends house but as I drove by my own home my husband's truck was there and he is never home at 2:30 in the afternooon. I went inside to find his loving arms, a perfect ending to a perfect experience.
This experience which I have been praying for over the past 8 weeks was all I wanted to validate my need to know Our Sweet Avery Ann was watching over us and waiting for our arrival someday. I know that this earthly life is only a short part of our journey but the confirmation I received made me believe it in my heart as well as my mind.