Sunday, July 19, 2009

Angels, Gardens and Butterflies

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Wow its been a while since I have posted, even with all this rain I still have not had much time to be on the computer. I think I made up for it when I was pregnant in the winter. Not that summer has arrived yet here in Heber but the rain does cease enough each day for me to venture to my gardens. I did square foot gardening this year and I sure am proud of my 3 little gardens, they do get plenty of water yet, the sunshine has been not so helpful lately. I also designated a small area in my yard as Avery's Garden. I planted lots of flowers that many of you have given to me, some bleeding heart, gerber daisies (my favorite), really a lot but they are not blooming as quickly as I would like, I was never blessed with an abundance of patience, and therefore I have yet to take a picture of it...but I thought who cares, I can take a pre summer and post summer pic. I wanted to order butterflies and ladybug off the internet but since its been raining so much, I decided I better wait a bit so they won't go seeking a better home.
Well in the meantime they have been coming to me everywhere I go. I see a Monarch Butterfly everyday almost and it doesn't matter where I am, California, baseball game, cemetery, friends house....butterflies come to me to say or should I say Avery comes to say hi all the time. My boys love it sometimes they just yell out, HI Avery! I hope its her way of telling us she is still so present. Lately I have been soooooooooooooooooooooooo longing for her to be around. I now understand when other moms says its like a roller coaster sometimes it just hits you and you never saw it coming. Well that is where I am now, much more emotional than I usually am and I am just trying to get through it with every emotion I receive.
I received a beautiful poem on Mother's Day, that I want to share, I don't have any idea who gave it to me but it is so lovely, I am sure you will agree. As I read through it again, of course I am full of tears, so be prepared.
Among those who could design the brightest and most beautiful flowers, of the students first to answer all the questions in school, Avery Ann was known as the most gifted. If Father wanted to find her, however, he always looked for the child who needed help the most that day. There, he was sure to find Avery helping with a homework assignment or telling stories about their Eldest Brother’s life of love. Today Father found her in art class, helping a little boy turn his paint smeared canvas into a masterpiece.

“Avery,” Father said, “It’s almost time.”

Avery handed the paintbrush back to the boy and followed Father out into the garden. “I’m ready,” she said.

“There’s something you need to know, “Father said, sitting on a stone bench beneath a willow tree. “You have done well here, so well that all you need for exaltation is to gain a body. Your spirit is so sweet and pure that your heart would hurt to see some of the things that happen on earth. So your mission to earth, my dear, will not be a long one.”

Avery knelt on the grass near Father and put her head on her chin. “My mother and father have waited for me so long. They will be so sad. Can’t you make there be a different way?” Father rested his hand on her head. “A long time ago, when your Elder Brother knelt in the Gethsemane, he asked a similar question. I didn’t like seeing him suffer, and I don’t like seeing your family sad either, but there are some things you will not understand for a while. What you must understand though, is that your Elder Brother and I love all of you.” Avery looked up at Father and nodded. “I know. And I know you will be there to help us.”

On another day, Father stood in the garden waiting. Avery ran into his arms and he held her as she told about her mission. “I’m so glad I got to see my mom and dad. My mom is so beautiful and good and my dad is so strong and kind. Do you think they know how much I love them?” Father looked into Avery’s eyes. “Very soon, my dear one, you will have the chance to tell them every day. In the millennium, when the earth is more like this world, they will have their opportunity to raise you. Until then, though, I want you to help me leave them love notes. Will you help me remind them of your love and of mine?

Avery’s smile was brighter than the flowers around her. “I like that idea. Where can we leave the notes?”

“They will be hidden everywhere~in the comfort of the scriptures, in the prayers of those that love them, in the peace of the temple. And when they are ready, your mom and dad will comfort others. Each smile they receive will be you smiling back at them. “Father swept his hand to the flowers in the garden around them. “And the flowers that bloom there will be the flowers you design here, each one a gift of love from us.”

Avery ran for the art room, pulled out a canvas and some paints, then started painting flowers. “These are for you Mom,” she whispered. I will see you soon!”
Soon is sometimes just not soon enough, I miss my sweet baby girl!


  1. Hi, I'm Mia's mom from the Angel Blog. I loved the poem. I also love the butterfly symbol of our sweet babies. I too have felt the love of Mia when I see a butterfly. I have had similar experiences with butterflies. Isn't it comforting to know that they aren't far. I'm so sorry about your sweet Avery. I wish you comfort and peace in your hours of need. Love, Nicole - Mia's mom^i^

  2. I'm so sorry you're feeling the downward emotions of the roller coaster. These are difficult times. It's so hard.

    It's okay to feel down, it's okay to cry. It's okay to miss your girl.

    Avery is still with you. I know it.

    Thinking of you,
    Ashley (Mercydez's Mom)

  3. I love that poem, and I love your garden! Beautiful! You are amazing and such a wonderful example and friend to me. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me about Avery, and again, thank you for loving Kate. Love you.

  4. Leah, I am trying to come up with the right words to type, however, I can only come up with "I love you".

  5. Oh my friend I have been wondering about you..hoping you were making it from day to day! I love the garden, love the flowers...I am sure Avery loves it too. I know she is with you, I know she is there to give you strength and get you through until you can hold her again...slow and steady my friend...and know you are so loveD!

  6. What a special and touching poem. It brought tears to my eyes. "Soon" does seem so far away!

  7. Beautiful poem. I love to think of her up there with Heavenly Father just paving the way for your family leaving little messages continually for you. Keep up the faith!

  8. And if I could stop crying long enough to tell you and Steven how much I love you. Sometimes we just don't understand in our human hearts and minds why things happen; but I know Avery has moved mountains in my own life; I know Avery has changed my outlook on life and people dramatically and most importantly Avery came, Avery died, Avery lives. And just as Jesus came, died and lives again for us..So did Avery.

    Love, Mom xoxoxoxoxox

  9. I LOVE that poem! How sweet and true it is! Of course it brought tears to my eyes! I also LOVE your garden! It is beautiful! And I love the butterflies that come to visit you. I know they are Avery telling you hello!

  10. I too loved this poem. What a sweet gift to have Avery's presence with you each day. I am sad for the hard days you have been having. Hopefully some summer sun will bring the blossoms to your garden to enjoy! Love to you and your family!

  11. Leah-
    Tears are pouring down my cheeks! I am so sorry for your loss. The joy the gospel brings is great, but I agree, you can't see her soon enough. Beautiful poem. At the roughest times I often wonder if Ethan would be better off on the other side. But now that he is looking better, and the pain is less, I am so grateful he is here. I just wish we all had a crystal ball to take a peak at the future.

  12. What a beautiful garden. I am sure she loves it!

  13. Oh I would love to see you! I finally ran into Shannan at Tamahara and met her for the first time. I am so blessed to know you both. Kurt is working out of town until the 4th of September, so me and the kids are home most of the time, with an occassional day here and there to run errands and go to the park! This week or next work?? Maybe next week after we get our kiddos settled in school (Wednesday) Let me know! I could even meet you somewhere...whatever works best!