Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Memorial day has new meaning!

I never knew what Memorial Day was for, except that it was a holiday and no school or work had to be done! Well now I know and will continue to honor that special day in a very new way. We decided to stay close to home over the weekend to be near Avery and celebrate if you will, the day of Memories. It was a day of remembering, of mourning, of sorrow, of gladness, of beauty, all together. The cemetery was absolutely breathtaking, the flags, flowers, balloons, wreaths, people, blue sky and sunshine only added to the beauty. In the past, every time I visit the cemetery I feel peaceful and connected but this time, I didn't, it was more of a celebratory event for some reason. We celebrated the small amount of memories we have about Avery there. The boys were running around looking at the headstones and decorations and were acting as if they were at a party it was surreal, that is what the ambiance felt like that day for us all. I have to say it was better than I expected however, not all days are like this. Last weekend we were having a garage sale and a friend of a friends was trying to pay for something and I said, I will hold your baby for you. She handed her to me and my friend said how old is she and she said, she was born March 1st...well I just started to bawl, it hit me out of no where. I hold babies all the time and NEVER do I get emotional, it was just too close to how old Avery would have been and it was a sad memory of what I don't have right now. I wish so badly to have her in my arms today and everyday but I know that wasn't the plan for her nor I. For now I hold close the memories and mementos I have of her. I love you sweet Avery Ann and you will never be a distant memory.
My sweet, precious baby girl
Why you had to leave me nobody knows
I wish I could be with you to hug and to hold
And eventually watch you grow old
My heart aches each and every day
Wondering what you would be doing today
If only I could kiss your face
It would make my heart be in a better place
But I know the day will come
When holding you will never be done!
I wrote this poem about a month ago in remembrance of Avery!

As the weather gets nicer, I find myself less and less on the computer so forgive me for not posting more.


  1. Leah, that was beautiful. Her headstone is lovely. I can't imagine how hard it would be not to have your baby girl here. Thank you for being so kind to my baby girl! I loved your poem.

  2. Her headstone is up! Yay. It is nice to have an actual marker at the cemetery. It looks so beautiful with all the flowers around. Thinking about you!


  3. Oh the headstone is just beautiful and the picture of the flowers and mountains was breathtaking. Now isn't that something; this week a co-worker brought her baby into the office; Oliva was born March 9th; she has all the coloring of Avery; and I too, thought as I held her that Avery would be this age now. Well needless to say I was crying; and Oliva was just looking at me and then she smiled. I know Avery was whispering in her ear" that's my grandma". How I understand; good days not so good days.. Today as I read your blog I was moved to tears; your poem, as I read it and wondered where you found such a 'close to home' verse, was so touching and heartfelt. Writing is very helpful for the heart. I love you my daughter; the healing is very slow but it will be better for all if its done that way.

  4. Oh my sweet friend...I am glad Memorial Day you were able to celebrate with your family...what a blessing to know it is NOT the end...only the beginning to an Eternity with 'perfect' sweet Avery. You are so strong, so faithful, so courageous my friend. I know not all days are like that one, we still have to process, mourn...we are still human and have to feel. Know that so many people love you and pray for your sweet family...pray that you can always feel Avery close by and know that she lives and she loves you!

  5. What a beautiful headstone and a sweet poem.

  6. I love your poem. Thanks for sharing. What a great tradition to use memorial day to really celebrate those great memories. You will hold her again. Forever. :)

  7. Leah that was a beautiful poem and you are a beautiful person. The headstone is very special and I am so glad you find peace there. She will always be your sweet Avery. I love you, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

  8. Leah,
    You are so special. We need to get together again soon at a more peaceful venue. I think Avery is sending her hugs your way (and your mother's) through others--God is merciful that way. I just don't believe in coincidences anymore.


  9. What a beautiful headstone. Especially the picture of her resting so peacefully...... What a beautiful little angel she is....



  10. Avery's headstone is beautiful and so is your poem!! I love it. I feel those feelings too. Thinking of you.....hope all is well.

  11. The headstone turned out beautifully. I am so glad that it was a peaceful day for you. Thanks for continuing to share...I know that all of this is so hard. You are such a beautiful person.



  12. I love the headstone and I am so glad you had a great memorial Day. You are quite the talented writer! I love the poem. Thank you!

  13. Today.. I miss Avery so much I want to curl up and just cry. I am at work; no place to cry. So I stuff my emotions and wipe away a single tear as it falls on my keyboard. My co-workers are speaking of little babies; so cute, so precious, look at her curly hair, her eyes, isn't she chubby? My heart just aches.

    Love, Mom

  14. What a BEAUTIFUL tribute to such an angel!