Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Autopsy Results

Our dreaded appointment with the cardiologist, going over the autopsy results. Well it was NOT a dreaded appt. after all, it was refreshing as refreshing could be for such what it was. Dr. Puchalski, I absolutely love that man, he is the complete opposite from what I remember our first visit to be. I reached out to shake his hand, he said no, pulled me to him and gave me the biggest and tightest hug I have ever received from a doctor, besides my sister. He said, I am so glad you guys decided to come in, I think its good to get closure, we couldn't have agreed more.
The words on the 9 pages were a bit bigger than my vocabulary can handle.

Long story short it was not exactly what the in utero diagnosis was. Orginally they thought she had the left ventricle, a common atrium, aortic atresia and she had fluid that came and went around her lungs. Well the findings were that she had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS), total anomalous pulmonary venous connection (TAPVC) and 7 other defects with her heart. In additon this sweet baby had Pulmonary lymphangiectasia which in english translates to dilation of the lymphatics in the lungs. I was overwhelmed with the amount of issues with her heart and both Steve and I felt relieved when we left there knowing that her passing was by far the best thing for her. I couldn't imagine her quality of life being that of which I had only dreamed about. She now has the perfect life, one that we only dream about.

We are so sad to not have Avery with us today and everyday, as the weather gets nicer and the days pass by......all I get to do is imagine what she would look like today, what she would be accomplishing and the fun times she would be having with her brothers who adore her even though she is not here in person.

A wonderful friend who had lost here son to SIDS a short time ago, brought us over 3 piggy banks for each of the boys. She said that each time you see money on the ground that is Avery saying hello to you. The little boys think that is the cutest thing and everytime they spot money, I hear them say...Avery is saying hi! It may or may not be true but for some reason before we got the banks..I told my friend that I kept finding dimes everywhere I went lately..and now we are believing she really is saying hello to us. A simple tender thing that puts smiles on our faces and in our hearts. The simple things make the hard things seem much easier to bear. I for one always try to see the bright side of things and make the most of any situation, this one has been the most challenging to accept but I believe that acceptance is part of my journey. I will learn acceptance graciously today.


  1. Leah, you are so amazingly positive and have been such a blessing in my life. I love the idea of finding money and it being a way for Avery saying hi! Thank you for sharing your experience with the autopsy results. It must be really comforting to know that she is not suffering. I love you! Can't wait to see you tonight.

  2. I am so pleased that you and Steve went to see the doctor, every step you take for Avery will help you heal. I think the piggy banks are a wonderful idea and the boys will love to fill them up for Avery wishes and hello's. Love to all.

  3. Leah and Steve; I am so relieved to know the condition of Avery's heart and lungs, it really helped to put her passing into perceptive. I am still sad that she isn't here with us physically; but I KNOW she is here in spirit. Those very simple things; the money found, a cardinal perched on a limb, heart rocks, a little girl's wave in a store, these things are the gifts of our loved ones, reminding us they are still close as ever.
    Your positive outlook is a power of example to me; I am so proud of both of you as you carry on each day; loving your family, each other, and our Father in Heaven. Its the only way to live on this earth and be happy.

  4. you inspire me so much. even though i havent seen you in years since the last time i did see you you and your family have grown so much. i can tell how much the gospel means to you in your life.

  5. OH HUGE ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) from sunny AZ!! I'm glad you went to the appointment and found out all of that, regardless of how scary it was!
    I love the money idea! We kept finding TONS of money at Disneyland and I BET it was Jakey saying Hi and that he was with us! I might have to do that for my kiddos! I miss you!!